Skate Country
Today I felt at peace for the first time in weeks, maybe. I biked with a friend to the West Bund (the riverside on our half of the city, Puxi). They went for a run while I put on my brand new roller skates and tested my hand (feet) at the pavement there. A group of us have taken up rollerskating. Sunday was our first trial run, but the landscape we chose for the venture was made of brick and it was exceedingly hard to skate. I felt myself wanting to wrack up the momentum I am used to, but it was simply too challenging. I fell on my ass plenty of times, much to the amusement of my friends and every Chinese person in the neighborhood (yes, a lady filmed us and sent it to her friend on WeChat).
But tonight I was alone in a lovely dusk by the river with miles (kilometers, even) of paved road. It was what the Rillito River aspired to be, before it realized it was limited like many of us by its geographical circumstances. It was a funny parallel to all the hours I used to spend on that riverwalk in Tucson. The river is the hub of the city—all the major skyscrapers are there and at night they are beautifully lit. One phallus-shaped building flashed like a rainbow barber’s sign. The road was smooth and I quickly remembered that I know how to skate. I cruised down the river at my own pace, passing lots of people and tiny dogs. It was breezy and perfect. I was alone but not lonely in a way I haven’t been since I moved here. I felt very much at peace, in touch with myself and my feelings. I am supremely grateful for this experience.
Today I decided that I will most certainly be applying for graduate school this application cycle. I paused my Chinese lessons so I could devote more time to it. It is a bit of a crunched process but there isn’t really anything I am as good at as writing things, particularly application essays. I miss school and I miss having things and goals to work towards. I have learned so tremendously much in the past two and half years. I am so glad I took the path I took, although sometimes it feels like the years of my life are slipping away at an alarming rate and I am aging externally without growing much inside. I will be 25 in exactly two weeks. I am trying to pretend it doesn’t scare me a little.
